The Power of Words
by Karen Hand, BCH, CI
Sticks and Stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me!
Remember that childhood rhyme? It was most often delivered with the best of intentions to soothe hurt feelings. But it couldn’t be farther from the truth. Back in second grade, when the playground bully pinched you, it hurt momentarily and you might have cried, but do you remember it now? However, if that same childhood bully or a friend or a teacher or parent said something mean to you in second grade, you might still be carrying that wound around with you. In later life, it can manifest itself in a variety of ways: shyness; overeating behaviors; fear of singing in public; tobacco or drug abuse; or other negative behaviors.
Words stay with us. The words spoken by our parents, our teachers, our friends, but most importantly—ourselves!
I’ll bet you’ve overheard a parent in the grocery store say to their child; “Stop whining, you’re always such a big baby.” It’s that word always that has the most dangerous impact. Do you ever overhear a parent say; “Continue being so quiet, you’re always so calm and good!” It’s the negatives that usually get the attention and the label. No child is always whining, or always being calm for that matter. The false always representation is a passing word that can actually become an imprint that creates a learned behavior for alifetime.
We may first hear the words from someone else, but once we incorporate them into our own vocabulary, it really becomes hazardous to our view of the world and ourselves. We don’t hear anyone’s voice any more than our own. We hear our own voice when we speak to others and we hear our own voice in our inner dialogue all day long and even in
our dreams at night. It’s very powerful. And what we say about ourselves has a direct impact on the way we relate to the world.
Now, take the time today to notice how you speak about yourself. If you’re running late for a meeting, do you say to yourself; “I’m so irresponsible, I’m always late.” But when you’re on time to watch your favorite television program, do you say “I’m so responsible, because I always show up on time for things that are really important.” I doubt that you balance out the messages.
The principals of Neuro-linguistic Programming (the language of the mind) show how easy it is to change a behavior by simply changing the language used about that behavior.
Taking the issue of tardiness as an example; rather than focusing on those times in your day when you’re running late, dwell on the examples of being on time: getting to work on time, going to lunch on time, being on time to pick up the kids, right on time for the yoga class or the dentist’s appointment. Now, you can praise yourself for being on time for those things in your life that are really important to you. And then when you notice that you are running late for something, perhaps you can wonder about why that deadline did not receive the same level of priority in your mind.
You can then get to the heart of the issue which might really be how to appropriately prioritize the events in your life and budget your time accordingly. At the very least, you can stop labeling yourself as “always late” and instead look at the reality of time management. It’s all in the power of the words that are used.
Unfortunately, we can’t change the words that are said by others. But we can certainly change the words we say to ourselves. Start today using the power of words to your advantage and notice how easy it is to unravel negative behavior and make a Positive Change in your life.
Remember that childhood rhyme? It was most often delivered with the best of intentions to soothe hurt feelings. But it couldn’t be farther from the truth. Back in second grade, when the playground bully pinched you, it hurt momentarily and you might have cried, but do you remember it now? However, if that same childhood bully or a friend or a teacher or parent said something mean to you in second grade, you might still be carrying that wound around with you. In later life, it can manifest itself in a variety of ways: shyness; overeating behaviors; fear of singing in public; tobacco or drug abuse; or other negative behaviors.
Words stay with us. The words spoken by our parents, our teachers, our friends, but most importantly—ourselves!
I’ll bet you’ve overheard a parent in the grocery store say to their child; “Stop whining, you’re always such a big baby.” It’s that word always that has the most dangerous impact. Do you ever overhear a parent say; “Continue being so quiet, you’re always so calm and good!” It’s the negatives that usually get the attention and the label. No child is always whining, or always being calm for that matter. The false always representation is a passing word that can actually become an imprint that creates a learned behavior for alifetime.
We may first hear the words from someone else, but once we incorporate them into our own vocabulary, it really becomes hazardous to our view of the world and ourselves. We don’t hear anyone’s voice any more than our own. We hear our own voice when we speak to others and we hear our own voice in our inner dialogue all day long and even in
our dreams at night. It’s very powerful. And what we say about ourselves has a direct impact on the way we relate to the world.
Now, take the time today to notice how you speak about yourself. If you’re running late for a meeting, do you say to yourself; “I’m so irresponsible, I’m always late.” But when you’re on time to watch your favorite television program, do you say “I’m so responsible, because I always show up on time for things that are really important.” I doubt that you balance out the messages.
The principals of Neuro-linguistic Programming (the language of the mind) show how easy it is to change a behavior by simply changing the language used about that behavior.
Taking the issue of tardiness as an example; rather than focusing on those times in your day when you’re running late, dwell on the examples of being on time: getting to work on time, going to lunch on time, being on time to pick up the kids, right on time for the yoga class or the dentist’s appointment. Now, you can praise yourself for being on time for those things in your life that are really important to you. And then when you notice that you are running late for something, perhaps you can wonder about why that deadline did not receive the same level of priority in your mind.
You can then get to the heart of the issue which might really be how to appropriately prioritize the events in your life and budget your time accordingly. At the very least, you can stop labeling yourself as “always late” and instead look at the reality of time management. It’s all in the power of the words that are used.
Unfortunately, we can’t change the words that are said by others. But we can certainly change the words we say to ourselves. Start today using the power of words to your advantage and notice how easy it is to unravel negative behavior and make a Positive Change in your life.
